Like Speaker of the House John Boehner, I cry easily. Lately what has me crying a lot is television news in San Diego. I weep for the following:
The Channel 8 anchor who reads the iPhone 3GS as "3 Gees." The same anchor worries more about his hand movements than what he's reading. It's like every hand gesture is scripted and on the teleprompter for him.
The Channel 8 anchor who thinks "evening" is a three-syllable word, pronounced "eve-ah-ning."
The Channel 8 weathercaster/reporter who thinks he's an expert on everything from cooking to local disasters, yet regularly displays horrible taste in outerwear along with his absolutely humorless demeanor.
The Channel 8 reporter who doesn't seem to be aware that just about every time he does a live shot, those little "old man" sputtering and breathing noises he makes before he starts to talk all go out live on the air.
The Fox 5 anchor who is more concerned about HOW he reads something, rather than WHAT he's reading.
The Fox 5 anchor whose soul patch is evidently more important than his dignity.
The Fox 5 news director who thinks you can take a reality TV "star," just add water, and make her a TV news personality. The same news director seems to think San Diego is "Los Angeles South," and supplements his staff with almost-daily reports from someone from sister station KTLA, usually the smarmy "Kurt the Cyber-Guy," who embodies the old adage "if you don't like it, don't watch." Equally annoying: the failed DJ who reads the what's new stuff on Tuesday, another refugee from a razor when it comes to that oh-so-hip--especially for television news--soulpatch.
The Fox 5 fill-in news anchor who seems like everyone's cranky uncle when he shows up on air. Rest assured this guy will NEVER sport a soulpatch.
The graying of Channel 7/39. Who is hiring these young whippersnappers--like the new lead anchor and the new weatherperson--a news director over the age of 90?
Channel 10's...wait. Channel 10 has newscasts?
Channels 10, 7/39, 8, and Fox 5, who don't even attempt to do a weekend morning newscast, leaving us with KUSI's yuck-fest and San Diego 6's "let's put mannequins on the air and see if anyone notices" versions of "news."
I don't watch KUSI. If I did, I'd be crying ALL. THE. TIME.
Mean-spirited bloggers who spend way too much time bitching about local TV news. They make me cry the most. Never forget that if it bugs you, one simple flick of the finger makes it all go away.
I say this every time you do one of these, but man, your local-TV-news criticism cracks me up. I only wish you lived in the Austin market.
Posted by: Joolie | 01/12/2011 at 03:44 PM