CBS News just reported that over 31 million people watched the Michael Jackson Memorial on television...
Which prompted NBC Universal President and CEO Jeff Zucker to cancel the network's entire fall line-up of shows and instead rerun the Michael Jackson Memorial each night from 8:00–11:00.
Sorry, Jay.
Last weekend, I recorded the SNL: Best of Amy Poehler episode that was aired the previous (duh) Saturday night. And for once SNL delivered. It really was the "Best of Amy," and I laughed my ass off. It's here somewhere. I'll go find it when I stop typing.
But I made a fatal mistake: I watched it Thursday evening, about an hour before watching the latest episode of Poehler's new NBC series, Parks & Recreation. And boy, did that make that new show seem like an incredible waste of her incredible comedic talents. The SNL show had all the best bits: Hillary Clinton with Sarah Palin (Tina Fey), the Sarah Palin rap song, the one-legged flatulent reality show star, the hyperactive 10-year-old, Amy as Sharon Osborne, and a collection of her best "Weekend Update" jokes. If anything, it showed how incredibly versatile and inventive Poehler is and--dare I say it?--probably the best TV comedy actress to come along since Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett. She can sing, too.
So why is she so "blah" on P&R? I think her character, the self-centered and slightly dim-witted and naive Leslie Knope, just doesn't give her enough to do. (For the record, I also think the incredibly lovely, winsome, and likable Rashida Jones is also wasted.) Tying Poehler to such a blase character is like letting Seabiscuit be the horsey ride at a rich brat's party. This series by the creators of the American version of The Office seems almost too Office-y for me, with its mockumentary style cribbed directly from it's hit sister show.
What Amy Poehler needs is--oh, God, I don't believe I'm going to say this--a variety show. An hour-long skit show at 10pm one night on NBC. I can guarantee that if Poehler is the star and a producer of said show, it'll be hipper than shit. C'mon, NBC...you gave that slot to Jay-fucking-Leno FIVE nights a week, and all he does is read cue cards. And let's face it...you were willing to take a chance on Rosie O'Donnell with a variety show, why not Amy? She needs a chance to shine and do more than just ONE character per show.
I spend an awful lot of time armchair-quarterbacking 24 each Monday evening. Well, there's another show on that very same night that is also set in the world of espionage and filled with chill and thrills. That show is Chuck.
I've liked Chuck since day one. It debuted last year along with Reaper. Both concerned likable young men who worked at "big box" stores and had unwanted powers and duties thrust upon them. Chuck had the "Intersect" downloaded into his brain, a veritable database of evil. Sam on Reaper found out he's the son of Satan and has to capture souls who have escaped from hell.
But while Reaper has descended into the soul of the week story, and has the air of something just begging to be canceled, Chuck--in its second season--has grown and matured into a first rate "dramedy" with a great ensemble cast, interesting and effective stunt casting (Scott Bakula as Chuck's dad, Chevy Chase as a Steve Jobs-like computer tycoon) and an ongoing storyline that draws the viewer in. It's almost impossible to NOT like Chuck.
But last night's episode sure seemed like an ending. There's one more show this season (next Monday), in which we'll finally see the wedding of Chuck's sister, Ellie, and her fiance, Awesome. It may be the final show of season 2, it also may be the final show of the series. No one knows for sure if the show--which has never done great in the ratings--will have a third season. I'm guessing no, because NBC--in their INFINITE wisdom--is giving us 5 hours of Jay Leno each night in prime time, thus cutting down the amount of slots they would have for scripted--and/or reality--shows.
Chuck deserves a third season, and even though last night's episode would have been the perfect ending (Chuck gets the Intersect out of his head, the government off his back, and Chuck and Sarah walk off holding hands), we have one more show with the big wedding (actually, I hear it's TWO weddings...I'm guessing the other one is Morgan and Anna, but it would be very cool if it was Chuck and Sarah).
Together, Chuck and 24 provide the perfect night's TV viewing. I actually get excited over coming home to watch TV on Monday nights. Alas, that will run out in mid-May, when Chuck is gone, and 24 has run its course for the season. Then Monday night just becomes...Monday night.
Well...there's always Big Bang Theory reruns, I guess...
Turns out the Intersect is really the Cosmic Cube.
In celebration of the final episodes of that great NBC TV medical series, ER, we're offering to our readers this special quiz on the show's history. Answer all 10 questions correctly, and you could win a special grand prize commemorating the series' amazing ongoing story!
1. When the show debuted in 1994, the first episode concerned:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER!
2. Dr. Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards) died on the series in season 8 because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER!
3. Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano (played by Paul McCrane) lost an arm on an episode of ER because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
4. Dr. Susan Lewis (Sherry Stringfield) left the show in season 3, returned in season 8 and left again in season 12, because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
5. Dr. Doug Ross (George Clooney) left in season 5, because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
6. When Dr. Abby Lockhart (Maura Tierney) joined the show in season 6, she encountered:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
7. Actress Susan Sarandon appeared in a 15th season episode concerning:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
8. Bernie Madoff got away with his Ponzi scheme for so long because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
9. Many of the ER actors who had departed the series came back to the show on March 12 because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
10. The final episode of ER on April 2 will hinge on this plot point:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
Congratulations you've won a DVD containing these five fan-favorite episodes from ER!
1. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
2. One of the ER members had a possibly fatal disease!
3. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
4. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
5. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!
Last night I watched a rerun of Chuck on NBC, which, incidentally--it's February. Isn't it a sweeps month? So why is Chuck a rerun?
Because it was a rerun it seemed like every commercial break was chock-full of NBC promos, including ones for Dateline: NBC with their breathlessly exclusive interview with the octuplets' mom. "The mother everyone wants to hear from," they exclaim. Everyone? That covers a lot of ground. I think the only thing "everyone" wants to hear is exactly what the f*ck was running through her head when she elected to have 8 embyros put inside her. Who at NBC News decided this was a good idea and how much did they pay her? That's the only question this particular "everyone" has at this particular moment.
Beyond these annoying promos lie an even more heinous assault of the senses: the return of Celebrity Apprentice. Not only does the show still feature Donald Trump, a leftover from the '90s who long ago should have started hosting infomercials on cable TV at 3am, it also has banded together the most repulsive collection of pseudo-celebrities this side of a strip show at a leper colony. There's a leftover Kardashian no one has ever heard of, one-time alleged basketball star Dennis Rodman--more famous for his shenanigans off-court than on--two incredibly unfunny comedians, the Canadian Tom Green, most famous for having banged Drew Barrymore (didn't he even marry her at some point?), and Andrew Dice Clay, whose 15 minutes of fame in the '80s was cut to 5 minutes due to what an asshole he was. (As an aside, NBC is cornering the market on unfunny comics. Clay and Green add an incredible sheen to the jewel in the crown that is Howie Mandel. All we need now is Gallagher five nights a week.) And then there's the creme de la creme, a woman who should have been banned from television years ago, lest her over-plasticized face melt under the hot lights of public scrutiny, Joan Rivers. Rivers stopped being funny around the time Ed Sullivan went off the air. And of course, where Joan is, her daughter, Melissa "I wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for my mom, because I have no visible talent whatsoever" Rivers, has to be, too. This blood-sucking leech is evidently staple-gunned to her mother's hip, because the two are inseparable. In the promo, it looks like Joan goes to the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson, because her nose is so pinched it's barely there. And like mother, like daughter: Melissa already as the glossy, shiny, nip and tuck look so popular with all the Rivers ladies (evidently).
Who in their right mind would gather this motley assemblage of has-beens for a TV show, and even worse--who would think we would watch them? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I stand by the premise laid forth in the beginning of this argument: Is everyone on NBC on crack?
You decide. I rest my case.
Is it just me or did the much-ballyhooed Super Bowl Special edition of The Office just plain suck? And what's the deal with having--and promoting--Jack Black, Jessica Alba, and (okay, who cares?) Cloris Leachmen on and then not having them actually interact with the cast? Are the writers and producers brain-dead at this show?
The entire series so far this year has been sub-par and admittedly, The Office's par is a pretty high score, so there are still moments. But it's almost like these guys went on strike last year and never go their mojo back. I laughed maybe 3 times in this whole one-hour "event" (all 3 during the CPR scene) and winced through most of it. And no, my wincing wasn't confined to the uncomfortable parts of the show. I long ago got used to that feeling when it comes to this show.
For this I stopped watching The Bourne Ultimatum (albeit on Blu-ray) for the 372nd time? We wuz robbed!
Even though I successfully called the early island appearance of Charles Widmore on LOST last week as one of the "soldiers" (ask my friends at work...I did), I'm a bit disenfranchised with the season so far this year. And here's my problem:
It's too damn complicated.
Not only are there people off the island, off in the future (I believe they've been off for 3 years now), the people left on the island keep moving back and forth in time. Tonight it was 1954. And it was also the present (I believe the 3+ years since leaving the island puts Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Sun, and little Aaron--not to mention Ben, Desmond and Penny--in our current time frame). And some other time period, at least at the very end. I half expected a dinosaur to come lumbering out of the bush during the episode's one and only time shift.
It's obvious at this point that the whole Locke is dead issue has to do with time travel. They have to take him back to the island at a specific point in time when he's still alive. I'm expecting Doc Brown to show up in the DeLorean any week now. Maybe he'll haul the body back.
And while this year is enjoyable, they're making me work too hard for that enjoyment. All this time travel stuff makes my head hurt; I see double and blood rushes from my nose. I'm light-headed. It shouldn't take so much brain power to understand a TV show. I appreciate the effort, but if--in the end--LOST boils down to issues of time travel and God, I'll feel like I've lost 6 television seasons of my life. If I wanted either of those I'd watch reruns of Time Tunnel and Highway to Heaven.
...the Snapped marathon on the Oxygen Network.
1:30: A soccer mom's story about her husband's murder doesn't hold up more than two decades after the crime.
2:00: A woman lets her lover take the rap for the murder of her husband, an Air Force captain.
2:30: A woman claims abuse caused her to shoot her football-player husband.
3:00: A woman shoots her drunken husband following an argument.
3:30: A messy divorce leads to a brutal murder.
4:00: A woman is accused of committing murder to obtain a hefty insurance payoff.
4:30: A woman orchestrates the murders of her ex-husband and her second husband.
5:00pm-3:00am: 20 more episodes filled to the brim with the warm holiday sentiment of all the above.
And for the happiest of New Years, don't forget the Snapped new season premiere on Thursday, January 8, only on Oxygen!
Merry Christmas from Oxygen...the cable network for murderous women!
In what could quite possibly be the only GREAT news I heard all weekend, Rosie O'Donnell has single-handedly killed the television variety show once again. After one--and mercifully ONLY one--appearance on NBC on Wednesday night, Rosie Live is dead.
Semi-celebrity O'Donnell, most famous these days for her public feuds with fellow semi-celebrities Donald Trump and Barbara Walters, managed to turn off most of America with her first show which was seen by an even smaller audience than NBC's stellar remake of Knight Rider. As Rosie herself put it on her blog, "there will b no more...no ratings/bad reviews/yet still a thrill 4 me," evidently not even mustering up enough enthusiasm to use proper English and complete sentences. Maybe she'll get a new job writing vanity license plates.
The good news is Rosie can now go back to fighting with Barbara Walters full-time, something we have absolutely no problem ignoring. We're silently praying they both kill each other, or, at the very least, get hit by a bus while arguing in the middle of Times Square.
Especially during the holiday season, it's important to pursue your dreams.
