Innocent Bystander

NOT Live-blogging the Emmys...

Is it just me or does the "61st Prime Time Emmy Awards" feel like there's been more years of awards than there has of television?

I mean, TV has been viable since the 1930s, but it didn't really click until after World War II, and the networks didn't stretch coast to coast until 1951, which is (help me with the math please) only 58 years ago. So, my question is did they start giving out awards before they started broadcasting shows? Well, of course, no, but doesn't it seem that way, and doesn't it also seem like it's typical entertainment biz fashion? Which came first the medium or the awards?

Regardless, I enjoyed at least the first hour of tonight's Emmy broadcast, and liked the format of divvying up the genres, until the much-hated--at least in this non-Nielsen household--reality shows came up for awards (in a mercifully short segment, thank God). I firmly and steadfastly believe that the reality genre is a creation of the major networks (and all those crappy little cable stations) to save money and circumvent union rules. You can keep all your "Amazing Dancing with the Biggest Survivors of American Idol Make 8"s, 'cause I ain't interested and never will be.

Anyway, this was the most enjoyable awards show I've seen in years. I'm almost sorry I didn't live-blog it. And I think Neil Patrick Harris was a great host. I'm almost tempted to say give him the Oscars, too, but I think his involvement with the Harold and Kumar movies precludes him from that, under penalty of law. My only would suggestion would be next year do all the reality awards elsewhere, like Bora-Bora, maybe. Or Bravo. Same difference, as least as far as I'm concerned. They're both distant lands I'll never visit.

Jumping on the GLEE bandwagon...

Okay, I'm VERY late on this. The premiere episode aired last May. They even showed it at Comic-Con for God's sake. And it's been on and on and on and on since then, first with a "director's cut," then with a Twitter-filled episode featuring cast members...well, Tweeting. But the other night, I finally sat down and watched the first episode of Glee.

And I loved it.

Seriously. I was skeptical. We all have horrifying memories of "musical" TV shows in the past. Cop Rock. Viva Laughlin. But Glee works, and it works because somebody finally has figured out a valid reason for an actor to burst out into song on a scripted TV show. The cast is great. I'll watch just about anything with Jayne Lynch in it (I sat through Role Models, didn't I?), and when you throw in Jayma Mays for good measure, well...I'm doubly interested. The rest of the cast is outstanding, too, but particularly, the obnoxious, destined to be a star if she's not beaten to a pulp first Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), who has one of those scary "I don't need a mic in this giant theater" voices.

The show itself is what everyone is saying about it: it's new, it's different, it's exciting. But within all those fervently positive critical voices (and if you've read one TV critic, you've read them all), they're missing an important fact for comics fans: how much Glee will appeal to the average X-Men or Legion of Super-Heroes reader. It's true: Glee is all about the social outcast, the misbegotten denizens, freaks and geeks of high school, who, with their superhuman powers (in this case, they all sing real good), rise above the jocks and cheerleaders and conquer the world. It's not that different than being Cyclops or Marvel Girl or Sun Boy (although Matter Eater Lad still has some work to do), when you think of it. It has a nice little edge to it, too, what with Lynch and her cheerleading squad (not to mention the football team) already plotting against the lowly little glee club.

So I'll be gleefully adding Glee to my must-watch list this fall, even taking that bold step of DVR-ing it. Yes, I'm ready to make that commitment. Even if they end up singing Barry Manilow songs...

Mad Men returns for season 3 on Sunday, but why--oh, why!--does it have to be on AMC?

Okay...I already know the answer to this. It's on AMC because they're the cable network who foots the bill for the production of Mad Men (along with that most heinous of movie studios, Lionsgate, home of the Saw movies, Jason Statham, and the Saw movies. Did I mention the Saw movies?)

I just watched Mad Men season 2 on DVD and I loved it (for the record, I recommend buying the regular DVD box set of any TV show...all you seem to get with Blu-ray on TV is extra grain). I purposely waited a whole YEAR to watch it to avoid watching it as new shows debuted on AMC last year. That's how much I despise this cable netlet.

Why? Well, to me at least, AMC stands for "Another Month-long Commercial."  AMC regularly butchers movies to insert commercials, a practice also condoned by TNT, TBS, USA, and other movie-showing cable outlets. There's a difference though. AMC stands for American Movie Classics, or it did at one point. The Classic part is debatable. Unlike the far superior--and commercial free TCM (Turner Classic Movies), AMC has been eating its young on the air for years now, sometimes extending a 90 minutes movie to 2.5 hour length just to sell commercials. And the movies they've shown in the past could always qualify as debatable as "classics."

Mad Men put AMC on the original programming map and after an extended negotiation period--where Lionsgate was also involved--the network finally came up with a deal to get creator/showrunner Matthew Weiner back to run the series. This is one of those cases where the series is so intertwined with the creator that to let someone else take over would have been like voting FDR out of office in 1940 and voting Wendell Wilkie in. I so enjoyed watching the second season on DVD a few weeks ago, that I am steeling myself to tackle it "live" starting this Sunday evening. But I know the commercials are going to kill it for me.

I know what you're thinking: Download it off iTunes and watch it. Let me just state my deep aversion to watching video on my computer. I can sum it up simply and succinctly: It makes me feel like I'm working. Seriously. I use my computer so much for work, that any time on it seems like more work. I hate the way it sounds, I hate the way it looks. And I have a pretty nice computer. But I have a nicer TV.

So I will probably "tough it out," (quotes added to differentiate myself from people starving in Africa), and give AMC a whirl on Sunday evening. At the very least I'll DVR it and watch it the night after, so I can fast-forward through the commercials. And what will I see? Well, despite an excellent article in the latest Vanity Fair (accompanied by photos of Jon Hamm and January Jones), there's not much info on the new season floating around. I'm pretty sure it takes place in 1963 (last season talked about the Cuban Missile Crisis, which was '62), and it begins with the birth of Don and Betty's new child. I'd wager that at some point in this season the Mad Men cast deals with the assassination of JFK.

I've tried to get some friends to jump on the Mad Men bandwagon but it's a tough sell. Let's face it: The pacing on the show is glacial. But what hooked me is the attention to detail. I grew up in the '60s, and I believe it's the turning point of the 20th Century. Yes, World War II changed the world, but the '60s refined it, course-corrected it (for better or worse), spun it off--to use a comic book term--into an alternate reality. The '60s changed everything. From the election of JFK to his assassination, from Nixon's fall and rise, from Vietnam to free love, none of us would be here today without those years, that strange, scary, rollicking decade.

The other thing about Mad Men--for me at least--is how much it's about selling. Not just the ads the staff at Sterling Cooper comes up with, but the mask Don Draper wears each and every day. Draper (Jon Hamm) is the core of the show and he is living a lie. He's not Don Draper, he's Dick Whitman, a Korean War vet who swapped identities with a dead soldier. I'm not sure why he did this, but he's ultimately always in danger of being found out. We've already seen Whitman's brother try to connect with him, and the strange relationship that formed between Draper's widow and Don/Dick (which was revealed in season 2). Don Draper has to sell himself every day, protecting his new identity. And in the meantime, he ends up still being a cypher. I don't know where season 3 will take Don Draper, or Betty, Peggy, Roger, Pete, and everyone else, but I know I'll be along for the ride in a plush new light blue Cadillac, with tail fins, leather seats, and instruments that look like a cockpit.

The return of Must-See TV on NBC!

CBS News just reported that over 31 million people watched the Michael Jackson Memorial on television...

Which prompted NBC Universal President and CEO Jeff Zucker to cancel the network's entire fall line-up of shows and instead rerun the Michael Jackson Memorial each night from 8:00–11:00.

Sorry, Jay.

Kids, don't try this at home...

Last weekend, I recorded the SNL: Best of Amy Poehler episode that was aired the previous (duh) Saturday night. And for once SNL delivered. It really was the "Best of Amy," and I laughed my ass off. It's here somewhere. I'll go find it when I stop typing.

But I made a fatal mistake: I watched it Thursday evening, about an hour before watching the latest episode of Poehler's new NBC series, Parks & Recreation. And boy, did that make that new show seem like an incredible waste of her incredible comedic talents. The SNL show had all the best bits: Hillary Clinton with Sarah Palin (Tina Fey), the Sarah Palin rap song, the one-legged flatulent reality show star, the hyperactive 10-year-old, Amy as Sharon Osborne, and a collection of her best "Weekend Update" jokes. If anything, it showed how incredibly versatile and inventive Poehler is and--dare I say it?--probably the best TV comedy actress to come along since Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett. She can sing, too.

So why is she so "blah" on P&R? I think her character, the self-centered and slightly dim-witted and naive Leslie Knope, just doesn't give her enough to do. (For the record, I also think the incredibly lovely, winsome, and likable Rashida Jones is also wasted.) Tying Poehler to such a blase character is like letting Seabiscuit be the horsey ride at a rich brat's party. This series by the creators of the American version of The Office seems almost too Office-y for me, with its mockumentary style cribbed directly from it's hit sister show.

What Amy Poehler needs is--oh, God, I don't believe I'm going to say this--a variety show. An hour-long skit show at 10pm one night on NBC. I can guarantee that if Poehler is the star and a producer of said show, it'll be hipper than shit. C'mon, NBC...you gave that slot to Jay-fucking-Leno FIVE nights a week, and all he does is read cue cards. And let's face it...you were willing to take a chance on Rosie O'Donnell with a variety show, why not Amy? She needs a chance to shine and do more than just ONE character per show.

The Ka-CHUCK Report...

I spend an awful lot of time armchair-quarterbacking 24 each Monday evening. Well, there's another show on that very same night that is also set in the world of espionage and filled with chill and thrills. That show is Chuck.

I've liked Chuck since day one. It debuted last year along with Reaper. Both concerned likable young men who worked at "big box" stores and had unwanted powers and duties thrust upon them. Chuck had the "Intersect" downloaded into his brain, a veritable database of evil. Sam on Reaper found out he's the son of Satan and has to capture souls who have escaped from hell.

But while Reaper has descended into the soul of the week story, and has the air of something just begging to be canceled, Chuck--in its second season--has grown and matured into a first rate "dramedy" with a great ensemble cast, interesting and effective stunt casting (Scott Bakula as Chuck's dad, Chevy Chase as a Steve Jobs-like computer tycoon) and an ongoing storyline that draws the viewer in. It's almost impossible to NOT like Chuck.

But last night's episode sure seemed like an ending. There's one more show this season (next Monday), in which we'll finally see the wedding of Chuck's sister, Ellie, and her fiance, Awesome. It may be the final show of season 2, it also may be the final show of the series. No one knows for sure if the show--which has never done great in the ratings--will have a third season. I'm guessing no, because NBC--in their INFINITE wisdom--is giving us 5 hours of Jay Leno each night in prime time, thus cutting down the amount of slots they would have for scripted--and/or reality--shows.

Chuck deserves a third season, and even though last night's episode would have been the perfect ending (Chuck gets the Intersect out of his head, the government off his back, and Chuck and Sarah walk off holding hands), we have one more show with the big wedding (actually, I hear it's TWO weddings...I'm guessing the other one is Morgan and Anna, but it would be very cool if it was Chuck and Sarah).

Together, Chuck and 24 provide the perfect night's TV viewing. I actually get excited over coming home to watch TV on Monday nights. Alas, that will run out in mid-May, when Chuck is gone, and 24 has run its course for the season. Then Monday night just becomes...Monday night.

Well...there's always Big Bang Theory reruns, I guess...

Why NBC's Chuck is truly for comic book fans...

Turns out the Intersect is really the Cosmic Cube.

Take our special ER quiz!

In celebration of the final episodes of that great NBC TV medical series, ER, we're offering to our readers this special quiz on the show's history. Answer all 10 questions correctly, and you could win a special grand prize commemorating the series' amazing ongoing story!

1. When the show debuted in 1994, the first episode concerned:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER!

2. Dr. Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards) died on the series in season 8 because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER!

3. Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano (played by Paul McCrane) lost an arm on an episode of ER because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

4. Dr. Susan Lewis (Sherry Stringfield) left the show in season 3, returned in season 8 and left again in season 12, because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

5. Dr. Doug Ross (George Clooney) left in season 5, because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

6. When Dr. Abby Lockhart (Maura Tierney) joined the show in season 6, she encountered:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

7. Actress Susan Sarandon appeared in a 15th season episode concerning:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

8. Bernie Madoff got away with his Ponzi scheme for so long because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

9. Many of the ER actors who had departed the series came back to the show on March 12 because:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER staff members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

10. The final episode of ER on April 2 will hinge on this plot point:
A. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
B. One of the ER members had a possibly fatal disease!
C. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
D. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
E. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

Congratulations you've won a DVD containing these five fan-favorite episodes from ER!
1. A patient with a gun was in the ER!
2. One of the ER members had a possibly fatal disease!
3. One of the ER staff members might be pregnant!
4. A helicopter or plane crashed on or near the ER hospital building!
5. Someone with a horribly contagious disease was brought to the ER, causing a quarantine!

Is everyone at NBC on crack?

Last night I watched a rerun of Chuck on NBC, which, incidentally--it's February. Isn't it a sweeps month? So why is Chuck a rerun?

Because it was a rerun it seemed like every commercial break was chock-full of NBC promos, including ones for Dateline: NBC with their breathlessly exclusive interview with the octuplets' mom. "The mother everyone wants to hear from," they exclaim. Everyone? That covers a lot of ground. I think the only thing "everyone" wants to hear is exactly what the f*ck was running through her head when she elected to have 8 embyros put inside her. Who at NBC News decided this was a good idea and how much did they pay her? That's the only question this particular "everyone" has at this particular moment.

Beyond these annoying promos lie an even more heinous assault of the senses: the return of Celebrity Apprentice. Not only does the show still feature Donald Trump, a leftover from the '90s who long ago should have started hosting infomercials on cable TV at 3am, it also has banded together the most repulsive collection of pseudo-celebrities this side of a strip show at a leper colony. There's a leftover Kardashian no one has ever heard of, one-time alleged basketball star Dennis Rodman--more famous for his shenanigans off-court than on--two incredibly unfunny comedians, the Canadian Tom Green, most famous for having banged Drew Barrymore (didn't he even marry her at some point?), and Andrew Dice Clay, whose 15 minutes of fame in the '80s was cut to 5 minutes due to what an asshole he was. (As an aside, NBC is cornering the market on unfunny comics. Clay and Green add an incredible sheen to the jewel in the crown that is Howie Mandel. All we need now is Gallagher five nights a week.) And then there's the creme de la creme, a woman who should have been banned from television years ago, lest her over-plasticized face melt under the hot lights of public scrutiny, Joan Rivers. Rivers stopped being funny around the time Ed Sullivan went off the air. And of course, where Joan is, her daughter, Melissa "I wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for my mom, because I have no visible talent whatsoever" Rivers, has to be, too. This blood-sucking leech is evidently staple-gunned to her mother's hip, because the two are inseparable. In the promo, it looks like Joan goes to the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson, because her nose is so pinched it's barely there. And like mother, like daughter: Melissa already as the glossy, shiny, nip and tuck look so popular with all the Rivers ladies (evidently).

Who in their right mind would gather this motley assemblage of has-beens for a TV show, and even worse--who would think we would watch them? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I stand by the premise laid forth in the beginning of this argument: Is everyone on NBC on crack?

You decide. I rest my case.

The Office Super Bowl Special...WTF?!

Is it just me or did the much-ballyhooed Super Bowl Special edition of The Office just plain suck? And what's the deal with having--and promoting--Jack Black, Jessica Alba, and (okay, who cares?) Cloris Leachmen on and then not having them actually interact with the cast? Are the writers and producers brain-dead at this show?

The entire series so far this year has been sub-par and admittedly, The Office's par is a pretty high score, so there are still moments. But it's almost like these guys went on strike last year and never go their mojo back. I laughed maybe 3 times in this whole one-hour "event" (all 3 during the CPR scene) and winced through most of it. And no, my wincing wasn't confined to the uncomfortable parts of the show. I long ago got used to that feeling when it comes to this show.

For this I stopped watching The Bourne Ultimatum (albeit on Blu-ray) for the 372nd time? We wuz robbed!