Robert Kirkman didn't invent zombies with his The Walking Dead comic book and TV series, but he certainly vaulted them to national prominence. But there is a new scourge of zombies walking our city streets even as I type this. They are an insidious and plentiful bunch, roaming around, sometimes mumbling quietly, other times laughing manically.
I'm talking about people with cellphones.
The other day I walked up to my local post office and had to navigate through a dangerous throng of these "Roamers." They were positioned outside the hotel next to the Horton Plaza USPS office. One threaded slowly, back and forth, back and forth, in front of me, coffee cup (china, no less) dangling from her left hand, cellphone pressed tightly to her right ear, chattering away. She bobbed and weaved in front of me like a drunk toddler, and my ever-louder "EXCUSE ME" pleas were ignored. She was too engrossed in her conversation, and I finally had to stop and just let her roam out of my way, so I could pass...
...only to be confronted by another cellphone clutching woman, again totally oblivious to anyone around her. She was practically shouting into her phone, and laughing wildly. I think I much prefer the Walking Dead type of zombie, incoherent, growling, and serious. These phone roamers are too much of a gregarious bunch.
The only hope we have is that they'll roam out into traffic, but I sincerely doubt that will separate their phone from their ear. Then again, maybe the constant pressing of phone to flesh will result in a real zombification, with them roaming the countryside and cityscape looking for the proverbial BRAINZZZZ.. One can only hope.
At least we 'd be allowed to kill them then.