LIVE Oscar blogging...

The Rules:
I calls 'em as I sees 'em. Don't write to me and tell me how I am/was too horrible or mean or too nice or too fawning or whatever. Spelling errors--really DUMB ones--are apt to occur. This is entirely live, stream of semi-consciousness stuff. Finally, and most importantly, the opinions expressed on this blog are mine and mine alone. Kids...don't try this at home.

NEW ENTRIES APPEAR AT THE TOP!
All entries will appear in this space in ascending order, with NEWEST entries on TOP. REFRESH YOUR BROWSER REGULARLY to continue reading new additions!

Additional notes:
Thanks to everyone who stopped by, including my constant commentors: Shell, Rich, Janeen, and Maryanne. We'll regale you with stats later. Thanks to our sponsors, Apple Computers, Westinghouse--the finest in cheap HDTV flat-screen TVs--Southwest Airlines, JetBlue Airlines, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi and Snyders Pretzel Rods. Special thanks to my 12th grade typing teacher, whose name I forget. GOOD-NIGHT EVERYBODY! DRIVE SAFELY!

8:32pm:
Great show, I think. Jon Stewart was relaxed, in charge, funny as hell and the perfect host. He didn't exactly bring his Daily Show shtick, but he never stopped reminding us that that's what brought him to this job, either. Very few technical gaffes, a great-looking show, lots of boobage, some great speeches, particularly from Reese Witherspoon and Robert Altman, and a nice surprise at the end with Crash winning. Remember, Crash came out early in 2005, so that blows the myth that early releases can't go the long run and win the big one. My fondest Oscar wish for next year: George Clooney hosts, and a show WITHOUT JLo.

8:27pm:
Why would they cut her off? It's the BEST FUCKING FILM award, AND it's the end of the night. That's ridiculous. I'd write my congressman if they hadn't sent him to jail on Thursday.

8:26pm:
I end the evening 6 for 9. If I was a baseball player, I'd be making millions.

8:25pm:
It's a stunning (there's that word agin, folks) UPSET! A real come-from-behind surprise, a thrilla in Manila! Cowboys are now kicking their horses.

8:24pm:
OH, MY! Crash wins!

8:23pm:
Nicholson is like the grandfather who gives the toast at Thanksgiving dinner. Best film. I got your Brokeback Mountain, right here, folks.

8:22pm:
Ang Lee just gave the code words to ATTACK!

8:21pm:
Ang Lee...kinda makes up for that great, big, GREEN disaster, doesn't it? One thing you can say, he sure makes a different film each time. I am 6 for 8.

8:20pm:
Tom Hanks...his hair looks better than in the taped piece. Best director. I picked Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain.

8:18pm:
We interrupt our coverage for this important announcement: I'M OUT OF PRETZELS!

8:17pm:
True commercial confession time: I have a crush on the roller skating girl in the Diet Coke bubbly commercial.

8:15pm:
Paul Haggis speaks and Bobby Moresco thinks, "I'm not going to get a fucking word in edgewise..."

8:14pm:
Five for seven! Crash wins!

8:13pm:
I hearby promise...no Uma/Oprah jokes. Best original screenplay. I picked Crash.

8:12pm:
Boy, Michelle Williams just looks stunning. That's tonight's word, boys and girls, STUNNING. Say it with me, now...STUNNING!

8:11pm:
Did Larry McMurtry think they'd be shooting him from the waist up ONLY?

8:10pm:
Four for six! Brokeback Mountain wins! Cowboys everywhere kiss their horses, hug each other, but in a manly way.

8:08pm:
Dustin Hoffman's definitely not wearing his underwear. Adapted screenplay. I picked Brokeback Mountain.

8:05pm:
By my count, 4 more major awards: adapted screenplay, original screenplay, director, and film.

8:03pm:
Whew! I thought she was going to pull a Swank and forget her husband. Let's not forget Hilary and the forgotten man just filed for divorce. Let that be a lesson to us all.

8:00pm:
Three hour mark! I'm 3 for 5...best actress: Reese Witherspoon, even if she looks like she wants to throw up, at least when they went to her after the clip.

7:58pm:
Best actress. Let's see if Jamie plugs his album. I picked Reese.

7:55pm:
My god...John Travolta has a GIANT head!

7:53pm:
Folks, we're coming up on THREE hours, and we have yet to do any of the screenplay, best actor, best director and best film awards. Mom makes me go to bed at 9:00 on a school night! IT'S GONNA BE TIGHT!

7:51pm:
"John Travolta is standing by to present..." the announcer tells us before we go to break. Almost sounds like he's lurking back stage, waiting for someone to change their mind about going out...

7:47pm:
Two for four! I got best actor and best animated film...didn't get best supporting actor or actress.

7:44pm:
Okay...best actor. I picked Hoffman for Capote.

7:42pm:
Ziyi goes to the Salma Hayek school of english.

7:41pm:
Friendly reminder: REFRESH YOUR BROWSER!

7:40pm:
History in the making: First winner to direct the audience to his website to read his complete acceptance speech.

7:39pm:
That last comment deserves clarification. I'm using a laptop. It's very warm.

7:38pm:
Man! Are my thighs hot!

7:36pm:
Anybody need anything? Food? Drink? Catheter?

7:33pm:
LOTS of dead people this year.

7:31pm:
Dead people. Hey, was it just me, or did anyone else hear fuck in the beginning of that pimp song?

7:30pm:
Two and a half hours. There has to be a morning after, right?

7:29pm:
Another technical win for the big monkey!

7:28pm:
WHOA! Jennifer Garner...nice save. I used to love her on Alias, then...not so much. But I'm loving her tonight. Motherhood has been very good to her.

7:27pm:
I LOVE these fake voting ads with voiceovers by Stephen Colbert.

7:24pm:
The saving grace this year? Only THREE nominated songs.

7:22pm:
I think I heard "shit" repeatedly, too. I'm shocked. Fucking shocked, I tell you.

7:21pm:
All the lights just came on in the White House...and at the FCC, the phones are ringing off the hook.

7:19pm:
I definitely heard the word FUCK in the opening of that song. Did we just hear history in the making?

7:19pm:
LUDACRIS IS IN THE HOUSE! Sorry, that's all I know about rap.

7:17pm:
Those of us watching in California this evening have an added burden...political ads for the upcoming primary election during the local breaks. Really, really annoying.

7:15pm:
That was actually a very nice speech...especially the heart transplant part. I didn't know that about him.

7:13pm:
But it is a shame that the likes of Alfred Hitchcock, Cary Grant, Groucho Marx, Charlie Chaplin and Robert Altman had to get "special" Oscars...which I guess is better than none, since it is like Altman just said, "a nod to all of his films." But it seems ironic that the work couldn't have won an award on its own individual merits and is awarded this way. But that's just my take on it, I guess.

7:09pm:
The only Altman film I ever really liked was The Player, probably the one film of his that was most script-driven. I liked MASH, too. And of course, there was that one scene in one of his films where we found out Julianne Moore REALLY is a redhead.

7:07pm:
Okay...it's official. Men love Jessica Alba, women hate her.

7:06pm:
I feel like I'm stuck in a line for a movie with 2 really obnoxious women who WON'T. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. behind me.

7:04pm:
Oh, I get it! This forced spontaneity by Tomlin and Streep is supposed to be just like a Robert Altman film!

7:03pm:
The big monkey wins a second award. Special effects and sound mixing. Notice there's very few graphics on the show tonight?

7:01pm:
Okay...Jessica Alba is just fucking stunning. Even if she can't read the prompter.

7:00pm:
Two hour mark! Oh, I see...that last montage was about EPIC movies, not necessarily historical ones.

6:58pm:
Grease was an historical epic?

6:57pm:
Another historical montage. Hollywood 101: The Epics.

6:55pm:
HEY! Who ate all the pretzels while I was in the bathroom?

6:51pm:
Bathroom break! GO! Refresh your browser, both literally and figuratively.

6:49pm:
Yes, I will concede Salma Hayak is stunning. But no, I don't consider JLo T&A. Only an A, and it doesn't necessarily stand for "ass." It's a little longer word than that.

6:48pm:
Okay, this is a bathroom or food break of mythic proportions. Turkeys have been cooked in this time-span. Countries conquered, wars won.

6:45pm:
Itzhak Perlman? Wasn't he co-hosting E!'s coverage today? HE'S GONNA GROPE SALMA!

6:44pm:
See? Lots of T. Abundant T. Bountiful T.

6:43pm:
Nina, honey...YOU think Salma can act. I think she's T&A. We have officially reversed roles.

6:41pm:
Does Nicholson have his daughter with him? God, please let it be his daughter...

6:38pm:
Another historical montage. Folks, let's add these moments to our official bathroom and food break times, along with the commercial breaks and the god-awful songs.

6:37pm:
Sam Jackson's next film: SNAKES ON A PLANE! Seriously...

6:36pm:
Ziyi Zhang! Oh, my...

6:34pm:
I must tell you...we're watching tonight's Oscar broadcast in HDTV and it is stunning. Seriously.

6:32pm:
Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves! The bland leading the bland.

6:30pm:
90 Minute mark! We're one for three, pick-wise. We've done 60 entries, and have 12 comments!

6:29pm:
Salma Hayek with a "special surprise performance" the announcer teases...what is she going to do, speak understandable English?

6:28pm:
I'm thinking flames in a theater filled with Hollywood's finest is NOT a really good idea...

6:26pm:
Don't you miss the Oscar days when Debbie Allen would choreograph an interpretive dance based on a nominated movies? Yeah. Me neither.

6:25pm:
Is it okay to yell FIRE in a crowded Oscar theater?

6:24pm:
Personally, I'd rather see the stuffed penguins intro the next song instead of Jennifer Lopez. At least they have a smaller asses...

6:22pm:
March of the Penguins wins Best Documentary...okay, this guy is using a fake French accent, right?

6:21pm:
Boy, Clooney ALWAYS knows when the camera is on him. Is he directing the show from his seat?

6:18pm:
"Judy Dench took my eye out in a bar fight..." NOW, that's REAL comedy.

6:17pm:
On the other hand, I LOVE the fake best actress commercials!

6:15pm:
These little trips down memory lane are nice and all--I'm talking about the film noir and the biography pieces--but they sure do eat up the time. I'd rather see a quicker broadcast than have the history lessons, to be honest.

6:14pm:
Music on the film noir piece is from L.A. Confidential...Jerry Goldsmith, I believe.

6:13pm:
Oh, this is painful...she sure can't read the teleprompter.

6:12pm:
I hope Lauren Bacall and Nicole Kidman don't get into a fist fight...

6:11pm:
Hey...don't they normally play music to get people OFF stage AFTER they win the award? They're playing music now during the acceptance speeches. But it beats giving out awards in the audience and having all the nominees come up on stage, only to have ONE win and the rest slink off in misery and dispair, like they did last year.

6:07pm:
We'd like to take this moment to remind you: REFRESH YOUR BROWSER to see new entries!

6:06pm:
One for three...Rachel Weisz gets the Oscar for The Constant Gardener. And, yes, she's pregnant.

6:05pm:
Man, alive, there's something so incredibly appealing about Catherine Keener...

6:04pm:
Is that an ASCOT, Morgan Freeman is wearing? You don't see many ascots these days. Best Supporting Actress...I picked Michelle Williams.

6:01pm:
I really don't like Rachel McAdams as a blonde. She's very soft and likeable as a brunette. Kinda brassy as a blonde.

6:00pm:
It must be an incredibly powerful thing to win an Oscar...especially for the first time. The make-up winners--both first-timers, are on now. The sad thing about co-winners is only one gets to talk. They just very rudely cut her off.

5:58pm:
I think this is one of the best Oscar broadcasts of recent memory, to be honest. Will Ferrell and Steve Carell are currently giving out the Make-up award...in really hideously bad make-up.

5:55pm:
We're approaching the ONE HOUR mark. For those of you scoring at home, we're 1 for 2 so far, having picked Best Animated Film correctly, but missing Best Actor in a Supporting Role.

5:51pm:
Unless I'm mistaken, John Canemaker is the author of the landmark biography on cartoonist/animator Winsor McKay. He just won the animated short award.

5:52pm:
Russell Crowe! HIDE ALL THE PHONES!

5:50pm:
A technical note...if you have problems leaving comments, especially repeated ones, (SHELL!), there's nothing I can about it...it's a Typepad thing.

5:48pm:
Oooo...Jennifer Aniston! Hubba-hubba...

5:46pm:
If you need another reason--other than money--as to why Disney bought Pixar, Chicken Little should be proof enough. It proves Disney wasn't Pixar before they bought them...

5:45pm:
Oops...wrong guy. And he didn't even thank his fetching date.

5:44pm:
I predict: This short film guy is going to get the hook...short film/long-winded.

5:43pm:
The appeal of the Wilson brothers is entirely lost on me, both tonight and any other time.

5:40pm:
The announcer saying "and the handing out of 3 more Oscars," kinda sucks the glamor right out of the show, don't it?

5:38pm:
BREAK! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

5:37pm:
What a god-awful song...and this was nominated? It sounds like something from some bargain basement animated film about mice from the old country or something.

5:36pm:
Do you think Dolly had surgery done to her lips? Maybe she's trying to de-emphasize something else on her that's large and fake?

5:35pm:
Oh...THAT'S what's missing...a time-killing, morale-deadening SONG.

5:35pm:
The show is clipping right along, but it feels like there's something missing...or something off.

5:33pm:
Hey...I'm one for two!

5:32pm:
ANIMATED FEATURE...I picked Wallace and Gromit...

5:31pm:
That OSCAR sign is bugging the shit out of me...it looks like Bennigan's or something.

5:30pm:
WE'RE BURNING DAYLIGHT BOYS! SPEED IT UP!!!

5:29pm:
Yep.

5:28pm:
Okay, KING KONG is going to win this one...

5:25pm:
Okay...Tom Hanks needs a fucking haircut. He looks like he's going to play Toscanini or some famous classical music conductor.

5:20pm:
For the record, and for my money, Clooney is one of the few actors--male or female--who could have fit into the Golden Age of Hollywood.

5:19pm:
First award of the evening, BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE...I picked Giamatti, and the Oscar goes to: GEORGE CLOONEY. I am 0 for 1. It's going to be a lonnnng night, folks.

5:15pm:
Well, I think Jon Stewart is great.

5:14pm:
The Oscar type on the marquee looks like some kind of cheesy sports bar sign.

5:12pm:
Jack next to Keira Knightley...I wonder if Keira will get lucky tonight...

5:10pm:
First Dick Cheney shooting joke...10 minutes in.

5:09pm:
That's the beloved Catherine Keener behind Hoffman...I sure hope she wasn't checking her cellphone.

5:08pm:
The audience seems a little...uncertain as to how to take Jon Stewart...at least the down-front ones.

5:07pm:
First person spotted checking their cellphone...right behind Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

5:06pm:
Nice set...much better than last year's...I wonder if it has a chromakey floor.

5:04pm:
Well, if the animated open and the host intro are any indication, this is going to be one helluva show.

5:00pm:
Wow...What a great open! I'd buy that on DVD if it came out...

4:57pm:
Commercial break...last gas til Vegas...take the break! Ignore Billy Bush roaming aimlessly through the audience, like he does in real life.

4:56pm:
Keanu Reeves AND Sandra Bullock TOGETHER?! Could it be time for...SPEED 3?!!

4:55pm:
Awww...Jamie Foxx brought his sister AND plugged his album...in the same sentence!

4:53pm:
Why does 1 minute with Billy Bush seem like a lifetime with anyone else?

4:50pm:
We're LIVE and on the air...please stand by for transmission!

Comments

[Tony Collett]

Hey Gary,
Came in about 2/3 in your live blogging. Good call on most of the commentary.
However, I also wanted to crow that I got 17 out of 24 Oscar picks, so if I were a ball-player would I be making billions?
Keep on blogging and I'll keep on reading.

Tony
...winner of Oscar Smackdown 2006

[therealshell]

"24" link to "Crash" shocker !

Karina Arroyave, who played computer genius "Jamey Farrell" in the show's first season played "Elizabeth" in "Crash." No, I don't remember her in it, either.

Gary, thanks for allowing me to co-host again.

Looking forward to 2007.

'Night pal.

[Maryanne]

I can't believe they cut her off either, I'm guessing they wanted to end before 8:30, and they had to fit in that one last commercial break. It's still lame.

[therealshell]

Gary, I thought that you were a baseball player; color me surprised.

[ that was lame, eh ]

[RJM]

While Crash was good, I'd always felt as if I was watching another version of "Grand Canyon".

[therealshell]

As much as I liked Crash, it's not in the same league as Brokeback Mountain, hell, even Walk The Line is a better movie than Crash.

Oh well, at least it's sorta Canadian.

[RJM]

For a second there it looked like Jack read the wrong name!

[therealshell]

Brokeback.........PLEASE !!!

[RJM]

Coming up next year from Ang Lee, "Brokeback Hulk"!

[therealshell]

Michelle Williams is breast feeding ....

Oh yeah, Paul Haggis ? Canadian.

[RJM]

Uma, Oprah
Oprah, Uma...

no wait, it's been done.

[therealshell]

Uma's wearing too much mascara !!

[RJM]

Yes! Let's hear it for Books!!!

[therealshell]

According to no less a source than People magazine, Hilary S., and Chad L. are trying to "work things out..."

[RJM]

Congrats Reese, but if you wish to continue to make "work that matters", please, NO "Legaly Blonde 3".

[therealshell]

Best Actress --- Reese Witherspoon; I'm confidant on this one.

[RJM]

Huffman is my choice, but I bet Reese gets it.

[RJM]

Geisha was good, but metginks that GNGL (especially in B&W) was better.

[therealshell]

Coming soon on ABC, American Proctologist !!

[RJM]

All five Actors performances were great, though Hoffman's was IMO the best.
Glad that they let him give a lengthy thank you speech. I can't stand it when they play up this whole awards show then cut the winner's speech short.
Don't make sense to me.

[Janeen]

OK, the kidlet is taking over the computer. Have fun kids.

[Maryanne]

Was the woman they panned to during Hoffman's speech his incredibly young looking mother who he kissed on the mouth, or did he not thank his wife?

[Janeen]

PSH thanks his single mom!! Yay!

[therealshell]

zero for thirteen

[therealshell]

Ledger over Hoffman, methinks, but I'm zero for what, twelve so far .....